how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
