He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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