found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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