Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
