I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
