So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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