Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
