Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize