I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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