I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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