thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Even my vagina gasped.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
