You're completely useless in the revolution.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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