I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
