you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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