im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We need to rekindle our bromance
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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