Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
