you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
