U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
