I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
