I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
