I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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