Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
