this just has baby written all over it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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