She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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