We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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