We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize