so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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