I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
