I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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