If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
