you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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