Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I smell stomach acid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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