Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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