at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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