hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
