it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
