Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
