So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
