I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
