I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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