you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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