where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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