I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
