Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
two words...techno handjob
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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