Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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