i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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