I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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