There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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