it was like eating out sand paper
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
