I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
