and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
