Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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