I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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