eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize