Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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