its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
