If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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