u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
