i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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