I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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