I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize