Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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