remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
