Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
